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Make Work, Not Whore!

[Scene begin in a ring like a circus. The Government Spokesman and the Media announcer stand in the front. Behind them are two rich people. On their left are two peaceniks wearing monitor T-shirts (Peace and Quiet Coalition). On their right are two workers, wearing hard hats. A capitalist wearing a cowboy hat stands behind the workers.]

Govt Spokes"person": Ladies and Gentlemen, we, the government and the media, will be your hosts for a magical culinary extravaganza. More than 50,000 blood sausages will soon be cooked in this arid desert.

Media: And with my magic screens, I can make those bloody bags disappear. You won't believe your eyes. You'll believe me instead. But lets not get ahead of the story. [The workers move stones marked "wage labor" in the background as the capitalist prods them on.]

Media: Life was good in America. Millions of people, some not even white, worked to create the most American thing in the world; profits for the rich (Yea).

Govt Spokes"person": But with all the work those saps were doing for us, our profits were falling (Aww). And some people, like the strikers at Eastern Airlines, they even started talking about wanting more (BOO). Well, at least we still had our petro-dollars from the money tree in Kuwait and Saudi Arabia (Yea).

Media: Then what do you know, Saddam Insane invaded Kuwait and stole the moneytree. What a bad man, he wanted the money for himself! This could be a disaster (Boo)!

Govt Spokes"person": Don't you worry, never fear, Uncle Sam will soon be there. Actually, this is just the opportunity we've been lookin' for. We'll use our magic "high tech" airplanes and missiles and bomb the shit out of those Arabs and have the money tree back in no time.

Media: So general Colon Bowel began bravely bombing the Iraqis back to the stone age. [In the background, the capitalist changes the workers hardhats to army helmets. Then workers begin to speak]

Young Female Worker: Hey! I bet they're going to send us to fight and die in Kuwait.

Young Male Worker: How am I gonna work and take care of the kids when you go off to die in Ku-wait!

Rich person 1: But we're making lots of money off this war!

Rich person 2: That right, my body bag stock is up two hundred percent! [Hearing, the workers start making trouble - throwing rocks and rioting. Then two peaceniks appear.]

Peacenik 1: Peace brother!

Peacenik 2: Mellow out, peace! peace! [as they say this, the peaceniks jump on the workers and beat them to the ground]

Media: Wait! If you're going to be against the war, you have to be responsible. How else are you going to convince me. After all, no one ever sees the things I don't like. [workers start grumbling and go back to work]

Peacenik 1: If they won't jump through your hoops, I will. Someone must show America that peace means following orders.

Media: Evenhandedness! Responsibility! Negotiations! Involve Everyone! [peacenik jumps through a hoop at the sound of each word]

Peacenik together [after jumping, they appear at the front of the ring and chant a prepared statement together]: Even if this won't stop the war, at least it will keep us from being blamed! War is bad for businesses and other living things! War destroys property! War is bad because we might lose. Negotiate: we dealt with Hussein before and we can deal with him now! Bring our tanks home - they might get broken!

Media: We love our peaceniks, all they ever think about is peace. They're so nonviolent they'd kill a man to keep him from breaking a window. It's OK if they don't see how America needs war. To keep our men strong, we need women who faint at the sight of blood and clerics who prove that all war is wrong. After all, someone has to keep this messy war from coming home.

Govt Spokes"person": We love our media. They say exactly what we tell them.

Capitalist: Hey we love our government. They do exactly what we want. [Addressing the crowd] Now soldiers, obey your officers! Remember what Gandhi said....Mutiny would violate their rights. [Entire troop then begins jumping through the hoop except the capitalist and the two rich people. Two rich people stand behind capitalist and hand out fake money. Worker and the peaceniks grab for it but it is always pulled away.]

Everyone jumping through the hoop: Bah, Bah, Fighting soldiers from the sky...[they continue first verse of "Ballad of the Green Barrettes"].